Note to self.

Do you know you talk to yourself? Really, you do. The truth is, we all do. As we think and ponder our next moves in life, whether it be our next decision, relationship challenge or words we say in simple conversation, our minds are continually firing blurbs of conversation between our head & heart. These blurbs include,

Should I say this?
What if I did this?
Can I get that done in time?
How will that person feel if I change my mind?
Will anyone know?
I should, but I really don't want to...

Without even knowing it we examine what we'll gain, what we'll lose, how we'll feel in the end all in a matter of milliseconds. And in those split second conversations we have with ourselves, decisions are made. That is how thinking happens. It is happening right now to you and right now to me. It does feel kind of funny to be writing while I am thinking.... I feel mentally naked somehow. Wait I should have written vulnerable instead of naked. Naked might offend some people. Erase. But wait, maybe I should leave naked, and write that I THOUGHT about changing it, but I that I left it to show people vulnerability in my conversation with myself. Then I will tell them why I explained myself out loud in writing, in order to show clue them in on my topic of discussion, but that will require me explaining more.... wait a second.... this will never stop. This was a bad ide....nah.... it was brilliant.

You see? We all do it. We all converse with ourselves. We hash out the nasty thoughts and the hurtful feelings. Our choices. Our thoughts. The ongoing conversation you have in your mind with yourself is probably pretty rough around the edges. It's rough because it is real. When we talk to ourselves we don't hold our tongue or withdraw our emotions. We lay everything out on the table. In my mind, with just I, me, and self present, vulnerability is at full tilt.

God wants some of that.

God doesn't want our prissy pretty-ed up conversation, He doesn't care to hear our niceties and our rambling of blessings and prayer for this and that... blah blah blah. He wants raw. He wants real. He wants to be talked to the way you talk to yourself. It might not be pretty, but it's the truth. He desires for us to present ourselves just the way we are, but with humility, remembering that we are unworthy. To give God any less in our conversation would simply be cutting him short of who we really are.